Diary Of A Weasel
by lunarxshinobi
Summary: Itachi's Diary, Just accept the Coolness!
1. Chapter 1

_**Diary of a Weasel**_

Dear Diary,

My name is Itachi Uchiha. I am the coolest, smexiest, hottest, strongest, overall bestest ninja ever. I am so cool. I am like, the coolest guy ever. I don't even need to splurge over my smexiness, because if you're cool, you gotta be smexy too. It's like, a rule. So, when I say i am the coolest guy ever, I'm also saying I'm the smexiest guy ever. Got me? Yeah, you do, cause you're the bestest diary ever. you're purple, with red hearts all over you. You're so awesome, In fact, I'm gonna call you, um, I'm gonna call you, um, ooooh, Sassy! You could be the little brother I never had! Of course, I know I have a real brother, but he sucks, cause he doesn't like the color pink, so, you're so much better! yes!

Sincerely,

Itachi Uchiha

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Dear Sassy-chan,

Isn't Sassy-chan just the cutest name ever? Yes it is! I know you agree with me, because you're cool like that. You're almost as cool as I am. But I'm cooler. Cause I'm me. yeah. I think you're name is awesome. Did you know that my brother's name is Sasuke? He would be Sassy-chan, but he hates that name. He's so mean! and not cool! but the last part of his name is uke, so you'd think that he would be cool and you'd think he'd love the name Sassy-chan, but noooooooooooooooo he's not cool enough. He's just stupid and emo-ish. I mean, he's so gay, always whining about me killing my family. I mean, I had a good reason, and he won't listen. I should've killed him a long time ago. I mean, he's the one that started it. One day he started laughing at my name, Itachi, which means weasel, and then the rest of my clan started laughing at me too. It went on for a week, and then I couldn't stand it so I killed everyone. I should be the one all depressed, not him!

Sincerely,

Itachi Uchiha

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Dear Sassy-chan,

I found THE shirt ever today. It was fishnet and it was so so so so so so cute. So I just had to buy it. They had my size and everything. Kisame didn't get why I was so excitied over the shirt. He's just not cool enough. Anyway, I decided to throw a pajama party for the aktsutaki. Everyone is gonna be there. Or I'll kill them. Isn't that just so much fun Sassy-chan? yes, it is! You are just the best person to talk to ever. yes you are! You're almost as cool as I am. But I am the coolest of cool. I have the coolest clothes, the coolest styles, and the coolest scars. I mean, don't you think my nose scars are so awesome. Who doesn't think my nose scars are cool? WHOEVER THINKS SO MUST DIE. That's another reason why my family liked to laugh at me. Evil family. They deserved to die.

Sincerely,

Itachi Uchiha.

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_**REVIEW!!!!!!**_


	2. Chapter 2

**Diary of a Weasel**

Dear Sassy-chan,

Today I had such a wonderful day. First, I sent Sasuke this super cute pink top. However, I stained it with coffee that I jacked from Tobi, who didn't need it anyway, and then I wrote on the shirt with sharpie. I imagine that Sasuke is freaking out and burning the shirt to cinders right now. HA HA HA HA. oh, and, I went shopping. Kisame and I found the cutest shirt that said, 'I'M HOT, I'M COOL, AND I'M NOT YOURS MHUA HA HA HA Sux 4 U!' on it. I had to buy it. The whole way home, Kisame was giving me this weird look, and trying to get away. I don't know why though...

Sincerely,

the coolest ninja evah, Itachi Uchiha

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	3. Chapter 3

**Diary of a Weasel**

Dear Sassy-chan,

I have just decided something. 'Evah' is the most coolest word in the history of coolness. Because it's really really really awesome. Anyway, I'm thinking of storming Orochimarou's base. Why? BECAUSE HE'S ABUSING MY SASSY-CHAN. I mean my brother, and not you, dear Sassy-chan. Even though I LOVE mentally abusing Sasuke, Orochimarou is taking it WAY beyond mental abuse. ughh. I just shuddered, Sassy-chan! My poor innocent, stupid little brother. hm. I don't feel like helping him right now though. Cause it's just not cool to run into things. yep. not cool.

Sincerely,

the UBER-coolest ninja ever, Itachi Uchiha

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Dear Sassy-chan,

I had thee worst nightmere, in the history of nightmeres. I mean, it was soooooooooo not cool. It was beyond not cool.. it was... just... ew. Anyway, in my nightmere, I was in this uber cute raspberry red color top with these uber hot black pants with chains like, everywhere, when all of a sudden, that Orochimarou-weirdo appeared wearing his hideous, and so not cool, purple bow thing. Then he dissappeared, and when I looked into a mirror, I was in the same hideous outfit, with the same hideous face! it was soo not cool. In fact, it sucked. I'm going to go kill something to make me feel better.

Sincerely,

The coolest but most freaked out Ninja EVAH, Itachi Uchiha

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Dear Sassy-chan,

I got over my terrible nightmere that I had the other day. So, I decided to start planning my attack on Sassy-chan's[[my brother not you creepy-ass sensei. But first, I had to try this uber cool new tea-shop to see if it was cool enough for me to go there regularly. It so was. So now, I'll haul my uber-cool self to that uber-cool tea shop for tea.. yep. Anyway, I went there today, and by the time that I got back, it was late. So I'll plan Sassy-chan's [[my brother not you rescue.

Sincerely,

The coolest ninja that goes to the coolest tea-shop ever, Itachi Uchiha


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Note

To my surprisingly loyal readers:

I'm sorry that I haven't updated since the second semester of my sophomore year. However, I will once again begin writing. I've been busy with homework and school and all of that fun stuff. But dangit, I WILL UPDATE ONCE AGAIN!


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